Today, I’m having a tough start to the morning. Maybe its because I’m coming off a three day weekend, maybe its because lately, I’ve been struggling with my meaning in the world. For whatever reason, with apologies to Tiger Woods, I didn’t bring my A-game today.
Friends, I must confess, which may sound strange coming from a self-proclaimed Minister of the Mundane, that there are times that I can have doubts about God. It’s not that I necessarily doubt His existence. It’s more like I doubt at times that he plays that central a role in our lives.
There are days, heck even weeks, when I don’t feel His presence, and I feel more than a little bit alone in this big old world. I’ve never been able to explain this. I can be going through life, really in tune with the spirit that I’ve come to know as God, and then all of a sudden, I lose my connection. It’s as if the phone lines have gone dead, and I’m left to drift alone for awhile, wondering why this has happened.
Do you ever feel this way? I’d be a big old hypocrite if I said I felt God’s presence in my life all the time. Sometimes, I just lift my eyes to the heavens and silently ask, “Oh, yoo hoo, where the heck did You go?” It’s a lonely feeling.
I’ve always struggled with meaning and purpose in my life. Specifically, I wonder what exactly its supposed to be. For years now, I’ve been trusting in God to guide me to this end. Lately, however, it feels like I’ve been left to drift alone, rudderless at sea, just going where the waves feel like taking me.
Where are you Big Guy? I sure do need you right now. These are the thoughts and questions I keep thinking as of late.
This I know, however. For every dark night, there is usually, eventually, a bright morning to come. For every time of doubt I have about God playing an active role in my life, there will come a time when I start to notice Him again, when I start seeing Him in the everyday mundane details of this life. There will come a time again. This I do know.
And, my darkness will be lifted once again. My connection to the great spirit that is God will be re-established. And I will doubt no more.
But, unfortunately, not today. Or at least not yet. Today it seems, I’m left to my own devices, to try and muddle through life somehow. I for one, can’t wait to hear from the Big Fella soon.
My friends, I do not wish to pull you down into a state of despair with my gloomy thoughts this morning. I merely wish to show you that we all have times of doubt. It’s during these times that we just have to hold on tightly to the faith we have that He’s really not left us alone, that He is there, always, and in all ways.
Probably the fault is mine for the faulty connection. Oh yea of little faith, and all that jazz. I know, I know, I just need to open my eyes again to see, and open my ears again to hear.
It’s all part of faith my friends.
Someday, I just wish it wasn’t so hard.
-The Minister
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
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